going places: finding breakthrough by switching to high gear
the april 2022 newsletter
Hey friends,
I learned many things this month, but one of the more exciting ones was that when you park a manual car, you have to use the e-brake.
Actually, I already knew that. But I had to relearn it because our daughter finally got her own car (insert all the praise hands here, complete with hallelujah chorus and hankie wave) but it is a stick shift. And since she did not yet know how to drive a stick, I had to brush up on it myself before teaching her.
And...yeah, it’s pretty fun. If you’ve driven a stick, you know.
We drove to a large parking lot to practice. As the light turned green on the highway, I showed her how to shift to the higher gears and explained a little (a very little) about RPMs, resorting to the phrase “You’ll have to ask Grandpa” multiple times.
I told her you use speed to gauge when to go into the next gear — you know, first gear is roughly up to ten miles an hour, second gear is up to twenty miles an hour, and so on, though it’s not exact, and both fourth and fifth work on the highway through town.
“It feels like it’s happier in fifth gear once you hit about 54 miles an hour,” I said.
“What would you do after that then, since fifth is as high as it goes?” she asked. “Would it still be happy in fifth gear at, like, eighty miles an hour?”
“Yeah, I think it would be really happy at eighty miles an hour.” Pause. “Uh...wait, don’t tell Dad I said that.”
“Your dad, or my dad?”
“Um.” I shifted lanes on the Parks Highway. “Either. It doesn’t matter, I’ll tell them.” (And for the record, I did, because they’re reading it here now just like you are.)
At the parking lot we switched seats so she could practice, and she was immediately confronted by three pedals.
“You have to use both feet,” I said. And for the next hour she did, going from first to second, back and forth, often stalling out but getting better with every lap.
And this is a picture of life right now because she graduates in a month and I turned in her final grades this week. After 13 years of all the homeschoolie things – reading and teaching and crafts and researching and science projects and papers and booklists, oh my – all I had left to do was turn in her grades and cry in our contact teacher’s office.
I mean, I knew it was coming but I pushed the feelings aside, thinking I had a little longer before I had to deal with them. But no, she’s done. It happens so fast. Suddenly she is working two jobs, buying her own phone, and learning how to drop the hammer.
This is what we’ve worked toward all along, for eighteen years. But now that it’s finally here, I resist and cling, wishing the answer and fullness would slow down for a minute so I can catch my breath if the world would stop spinning long enough for me to do so.
This is how breakthrough comes sometimes: Without warning, all of a sudden. We miss the signs because we are too busy directing traffic.
There are several breakthroughs we have prayed for for years (yeeeears) and suddenly I am looking at fruition and answers in a couple of them that scare me. It feels like the Lord is moving us into higher gears, and I am nervous about driving on the highway.
Or maybe, a swimming analogy: We have tread water in survival mode for so long that risking His rescue is terrifying – it means we have to stop paddling, and if we stop paddling, we’re afraid we’ll go under. But we cannot paddle forever; we’ll exhaust ourselves and go under anyway. We need His intervention. We need the pure grace of Him showing up to do what we haven’t been able to, because we were never meant to do it on our own.
For ten years our kiddo with the most attachment issues has not just stayed in the parking lot, but he’s rarely even lifted the e-brake to find another parking space and we’ve often been stuck in that space with him. It has mostly showed up in his refusal to do school, and I’ve cried and grieved and prayed and swung from hope to despair so many times, afraid that nothing we were doing was working because I mostly saw regress, not progress.
And if you have any experience parenting a child with attachment issues, you know that sticker charts and small rewards like that usually backfire. So we never used them, even though most of our kids used a chart for school to mark off assignments throughout the week.
But then around Christmastime, he asked for one. And I thought, Oh, no. I don’t think so. Our school charts aren’t exactly sticker charts, but I was nervous that it was too similar and that this would be just one more way to slash the tires and keep us from going anywhere.
But he kept asking, and we prayed about it. And the Lord said, Go ahead, try it.
Isn’t that such a scary place to be, though? I’m familiar with this parking spot. Yeah, I hate it, but I’ve tried helping him leave it before and he killed the engine repeatedly, on purpose, and I still have the whiplash to prove it.
We made the chart for him, though.
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
– Proverbs 16:9
That was in January, and Andrey did school for the next twelve weeks. In ten years of being his mama, that has never happened before.
We made another chart, and he’s been doing school ever since. No lying. No manipulative games. He’s even trying to do extra math because he knows how behind he is and he wants to catch up before he turns eighteen in two years. I mean, friends...I can barely believe the words that I’m typing to you.
So now we are looking at another opportunity the Lord has put in front of us: Not just a new area of the parking lot, but a whole different kind of parking lot. And I have to tell you, my experience with these kinds of parking lots in the past have been traumatic; they are often the worst places ever for kids with attachment issues. These parking lots are where we’ve experienced the most collisions and injuries, and it’s ridiculous the amount of traffic cones, parking attendants, and detour routes we’ve had to employ in the past just to maneuver through them.
But the Lord is calling us to a new one and He’s asking us to trust Him. And in light of what He’s already doing, I think this might be the biggest catalyst for healing that Andrey (or our entire family) have ever experienced.
Look with me at John 6, at a story you already know:
Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. And when they had eaten their fill, he told his disciples, “Gather up the leftover fragments, that nothing may be lost.” So they gathered them up and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves left by those who had eaten. When the people saw the sign that he had done, they said, “This is indeed the Prophet who is to come into the world!”
Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself.
– John 6:11-15
They wanted a rescuer who would fix everything, but Jesus wanted to teach them partnership, stewardship, and faithfulness. How will you handle the vehicle I gave you? Will you drive it, or keep it parked? Because this is how we go places, Love. Stop stalling. You have to use both feet.
But sometimes we don’t want to. Automatics are easier; we don’t have to worry about hills and inclines and being responsible to pay attention to when we’re supposed to move into a higher gear.
Here’s what happens next:
When evening came, his disciples went down to the sea, got into a boat, and started across the sea to Capernaum. It was now dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them.
The sea became rough because a strong wind was blowing.
– John 6:16-18
Feel that? This is where we need the answer, Lord. It’s dark and we can’t see where we’re going and a storm is brewing; I don’t know if we’ll make it. I don’t know where You are, but we can’t do this on our own.
When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming near the boat, and they were frightened.
- John 6:19
Jesus was already coming to their rescue. But He wasn’t coming in a way they expected, and that scared them.
Sometimes we see the answer ahead and we’re like, Uhhh...I dunno if I want that answer. If that answer is what I think it is, I think I’ll stay in the boat and just keep whining about the weather.
But he said to them, “It is I; do not be afraid.” Then they were glad to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going.
– John 6:20-21
When we surrender to His method of breakthrough, He can move us into high gear and get us where we’ve been trying to go all along. We’ve been praying for years, stalling out, but getting better with every lap. So if He wants to drop the hammer, I think we should let Him. It’s what we’ve worked toward all along…and He might want to show us how fun it is to do eighty in fifth gear.
Praying for you,
Shannon
P.S. Links for you!
Did you hear the news? Upside Down is releasing in audio (!) and the first three segments are free and already available. Grab them here.
Terrific article from my favorite guy: Alaskans, you need to know about this. And if you want to see a glimpse from an insider’s perspective, there’s also this from David Eastman.
Parents who deal with attachment issues: This is a great resource for when school and attachment issues collide, from Nancy Thomas.
Fun little video about the basics of chicken care if you’re curious.
If you struggle with inflammation, too much estrogen, or arthritis, these 6 minutes might be for you, from Dr. Berg.
Levity and wisdom from Joel Salatin about bird flu and other nonsense. (Yes, we’re keeping all of our birds, no we’re not worried, and no, we will not be letting them, our cats, or the kids’ stuffed animals get PCR tested.)