it'll be fine: when you think the hole is moving
the march 2022 newsletter
We were talking in bed one night, and I noticed something on the ceiling right before we turned off the lamp.
“There’s a spider. Get it.”
“I see nothing,” Vin said, waving vaguely around the room. “I don’t have my glasses on.”
“Right there,” I pointed. “Get your glasses, it’s moving.”
“I don’t want my glasses. If I get my glasses, I’ll see it…and ignorance is bliss.”
“I won’t let you be blissfully ignorant. Kill the spider, husband!”
Motivated by a primal urge to defend his family, he got up and retrieved his glasses.
I pointed again at the ceiling.
He pointed to the same spot.
“That?” he asked.
“Yes,” I cringed.
“It’s a hole.”
“What?” Aghast. “It’s a hole?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure? I thought for sure it was moving.”
“Maybe you need your glasses. It’s a hole.”
I rolled over, uncertain, and also a little mad at his reference to my glasses, which are still a new development around here. I looked back at him over my shoulder and pouted.
“Well, it’s a very scary hole.”
In my defense, it’s springtime and the spiders (and other bugs) are coming out. The ground is thawing in places where the snow has melted, and things are getting ready to move and grow. Sometimes we anticipate that movement and growth, but other times it takes us off guard and shows up somewhere we never would have expected.
At our house, we’ve been getting ready for those chickens and quail I told you about last month. We got the quail today and the chicks will be shipped next week. So in a stroke of exceptional scheduling failure it looks like we will have twenty quail and sixteen chickens brooding at the same time.
In our main bathroom.
In a household of nine.
While potty training a toddler.
WHAT HAVE WE DONE.
When I told our neighbor (read: handy next door chicken expert), she warned me of chick dust and encouraged us to use our shed-that-will-be-a-coop for brooding. Just tighten it up a little, check the temp with the firmly secured heat lamps, and make sure it’s warm enough. No biggie.
“You’ll do fine,” she said. “Don’t be nervous.”
But I am, a little. I’ve read articles and watched videos and talked to poultry-owning friends, and at this point I just want the chicks to be here so we can see what we’re really dealing with. In a way (a very distant way) it feels like birthing for the first time – you can do all the things you know about ahead of time, but at some point you just want to get it over with and find out how truly prepared or unprepared you are.
Because, coinciding with our poultry pandemonium, are three new projects for work and ministry, and one kid getting ready to graduate.
Did you hear that? Iree is graduating. She’s driving everywhere. Working a couple jobs, talking of moving to Palmer. I turn in her final grades in less than a month. And I’m wondering if we’ve done enough – did we give her all the opportunities we could? Did we teach her all the skills she needs to get started? Did we eke every bit of life out of the time we’ve had her at home? Because after eighteen years, we’re suddenly almost out of time.
What have we done.
I catch myself questioning everything, and asking God for wisdom and breakthrough. I look at these new projects and feel my branches stretching out in ways I didn’t think they could move...at least, not at the same time, in all different directions. I look at these twenty tiny quail and wonder if I read enough, or if I’m missing something important. I look ahead at two kids going into high school this fall and Iree graduating high school this spring, and wish time would just stop for a second so we can get our bearings.
And when I consider my own inabilities, weaknesses, and limits in the midst of all these events, it’s like seeing a spot on the wall move and feeling threatened by that movement. I know God has us and we've seen amazing things before, but the experience with Kav’s injury and the hospitals has really created some trust issues. If God allowed that to happen, what else might He allow to happen?
The future is sometimes a very scary hole.
You’ll do fine, Love, He says. Don’t be nervous.
I was chatting with a friend about these seasons when you’re pressed in new ways to do new things and to reach out in directions we haven't gone before. Sometimes those new directions come as an amazing opportunity, and other times they come as a pressing need because you have no choice.
Are we supposed to be doing something different because what we’re currently doing isn't working? Or is it actually working, and we’re just not seeing it yet? Hold on, let me overthink this a little.
I can't tell you how many times the Lord has told me, If you could just relax and trust Me in this season, you would enjoy it more. I know He's moving in the things I can't see. It's the things I can see (like my own heart) where the real battle is taking place. I want to do the right things, but I also expect an immediate reward for them.
And sometimes the reward is slow. Sometimes it comes in the future, and you have to face the very scary hole to see them.
Wait a little longer, He tells us. I have something for you that you never would have imagined. And other times – or even at the same time – He pushes us to think of or agree to something outside the box that we never would’ve considered. He knows we can be stubborn creatures who need a violent nudge every once in a while.
And that, at least, explains why we suddenly have twenty quail in our bathroom.
Either way, we are driven to trust Him because He is showing us that we’re not in control. So we surrender our grip on the things we never really mastered anyway to hold on to the future He has in front of us, because it’s better than we could’ve planned, orchestrated, or imagined.
It really is, and it really will be.
Praying for you,
Shannon
P.S. New at Copperlight Wood this month:
Gaining Ground is back! We’re starting The Hobbit on April 11 and we’d love for you to join us. We have a private Telegram group for discussion and if you’d like the writing course or personal coaching to go along with it, you can register for that here.
Did you hear about Forward? We are actively pursuing the big, scary, brave things God is calling us to, and the world will be different as a result of our obedience. A few weekly coaching slots are still available for those who want to move forward faster, and you can register for those here.
P.P.S. Links for you!
What makes us Christian? Are we transformed, and transforming? Do we know God’s presence is with us, and do we act like it? Do we look at those who don’t know God from a stance of moral superiority, or from a desire to keep them from burning? Watching Jordan Peterson work through these questions is 18 minutes well spent.
Terrific 3 minute summary and perspective on Russia/Ukraine. Language warning toward the end though, so grab your headphones. Or, there’s a funnier (and longer) summary here.
Also from Jordan Peterson: This is an AMAZING podcast for readers, leaders, learners, and creatives. I need to listen to it again because, kids. It’s a little choppy feeling because it’s a medley of different interview segments and there’s no introduction between them, but the content is super inspiring.
Interested in gardening, or got kids who are? Stefan Sobkowiak has some terrific and fun videos here. Warning: In one video he briefly mentions the phrase “plant sex”...because boy plants do need girl plants for pollination, of course...but it flew right over my littles.
Do you have any idea what goes on in your little (or big) town, or your little (or big) local government? This is a fantastic interview with Leigh Dundas that will open your eyes and connect a lot of dots. Includes a lot of disturbing information, so use headphones around small kids. We had our two high schoolers listen to it, though.
Favorite post from Mr. Guerra this month: How much history do we really know about the news we’re so worked up over? Probably not enough, even if you’re not a nerd like he is.
Who is Klaus Schwab, and why is it important that we know? This is hilarious and terrifying from J.P. Sears – there’s an inappropriate remark at the 11:15 mark but otherwise this is excellent.
This is one of the best teachings/trainings on prayer ministry I’ve ever heard. Lots of freedom and healing ahead here, from Dave Hayes.